Being a Woman: Towards Self Understanding & Self Knowledge

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Being a Woman: Towards Self Understanding&Self Knowledge

My Love for Allah Awakened

Tears streamed down the face of my friend who sat with her face buried in her hands on the day of her marriage. I looked at her as she sobbed, unsure of what to do, and finally asked her, "Why are you crying?"

“I'm just nervous," she replied, but I knew that she was holding something back. Out of respect for her privacy, I reserved any additional questions I might have had about her situation. However, the ladies around her, family and friends, would not leave her be. They insisted on knowing.

I sensed that my friend just needed some space of her own. This is the day that changed me. Her tears triggered my own memories of an unhappy wedding day, my own.
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My whole family rejoiced on a day which was supposed to be special for every woman- my wedding day! The air fairly tingled with excitement and laughter was the tune for the day.

"You look gorgeous!" my cousin said.

I forced my lips to curve into a smile as I said, "Thanks."

My lips felt so much strain as they were forced to do something they didn't want –SMILE! And this was a pain that I was obliged to grow accustomed to from that day forth, until I found the courage to assert my rights.

Indian culture did not allow my parents to seek my permission for marriage. Custom dictates that the parents of both the groom and bride arrange the marriage, and the children agree without any say in the matter. My heart was not inclined to the man I was married to from the first day of my marriage and I was not able to express my feelings for the fear of being alienated from my family and society. I wanted to please my parents and the community and show them that I was happy, even if I wasn't. I didn’t want to be alienated from them and to add to that, I heard the people, making unpleasant remarks about women who says they are not happy with their husband nor interested in marrying a man their parents choose. This is the South Indian culture: If a woman is married to a man, and has a child from that marriage, she has to live with him no matter what.

“Are you trying to please your parents and the cultural society fearing that they would alienate you and speak ill of you if you told them that your marriage has not brought you any joy? Oh come on! You are no better than a robot!" my heart cried.

My heart was right; I was almost a prisoner to society. I became a lifeless woman from the first day of my marriage like a robot only going through the motions of life. .

I managed to hold on to this joyless marriage for four years. During those four years of unhappy marriage, each time someone asked me how I felt, I would once more force a smile to my lips and say what my heart didn't really feel.

My heart and eyes cried when I was alone. I was finding it too difficult to live with someone to whom my heart was not inclined .I forgot what the word joy meant in life! I begged my Lord and cried, "Ya Allah! Please make me happy …". Allah blessed me with one great gift for my endurance – my son!

Soon after my marriage stepped into its fifth year, my stamina or you could say, the robot's battery started dying. My plight had deteriorated to the point where my heart was no longer able to endure this misery I was going through. My health began to deteriorate. I was unable to pay the right attention to my son . I feared that I would fail in my duty as a mother.


As I sat there watching that pain in my friend's eyes, I was jolted out of my slumber…I awoke and I found myself conscious of my suffering. For the first time the following question ran through my mind: “Why am I suffering so much – I am a prisoner to society! - Why do these people say Islam has given so many rights to a woman and still expect me to be a prisoner?

We have heard people talking about women's right in Islam but what are they? Am I utilizing those rights? If so, then why am I suffering?

Is this what Islam wants from a woman?”

These questions made me ponder…I was a Muslim but I never took any pains to read or understand the Message of Islam. I just listened to people's words and took those words as Islam. I read the Qur'an in Arabic but never did I bother to read or know the meaning.

I thought it was high time that I stopped asking myself these questions and read about the rights of women in Islam.

I began reading and my heart and my eyes opened! The more I learnt and studied Islam, the more I understood the reason for my plight. The reason for my despair and agony was certainly not Islam, but myself as I chose to be a servant to the creation, instead of the Creator. Culture blinds people's perspective towards the true Islam and because of Culture, many suffer.

Islam holds a woman in high esteem. It honors and respects her in all ways. She has all the privileges she needs in life.

The right and duty to obtain an education.
The right to have her own independent property.
The right to work to earn money if she needs it.
We have equality of reward for equal deeds.
The right to express her opinion and be heard.
The right to provisions from the husband for all her needs and more.
The right to obtain divorce from her husband.
An ability to have custody of their children in the event of a divorce.
To refuse any marriage that does not please them.
And many more…

When our Creator (The Most Merciful) has honored women with all the privileges of life, then why do we (Muslim women) have to give in to the societal expectations and lead a prisoner's life? Where is this going to lead us? Misery in this world! And only God knows what our plight would be in the hereafter for choosing the society and culture before His words.

I acquired knowledge of my religion and discovered the beauty of Islam. I realized that I was more than what everyone said I was as a woman.

It was the right time to break the bars of the prison I was living in . Finally I made the choice...to be a servant of my Creator. God gave me the courage to assert my rights and seek Al Khul (divorce initiated by the woman). It was not easy, and the community was cold and stubborn to my assertion. They kept telling me, "You are a woman, you can't speak your opinion like this and you should learn to be patient."

I protested, "I was patient for four years for your sake…But now I want to lead a life for God's sake"

It was a JIHAD (struggle).

I had to bear a lot of ugly names and insinuations such as an sinner, arrogant, masculine, possessed with Jinn etc. I felt I was fighting all alone but I was not … Allah was with me. I was firm not to give up my struggle and finally I got my talaq (divorce pronounced by the husband)!

I felt a great burden was lifted from my heart after the talaq. Of course life was and is not easy as one would have thought. I had to tolerate all kinds of comments, which any woman would not like to tolerate. People of my society said, "You are not being Islamic and not acting like a woman. You are selfish. You are just bothered about yourself and not the child ….No woman should be like you. No matter what when you have a child you should learn to be patient…!"

I am not bothered about these words rather I am more bothered about-facing my Creator … the struggle which I underwent gave me strength and courage.

When I heard words like " Every woman is leading a fake life and it is unlady-like to speak out your desires," I felt I should fight for the women in our society. I decided to put my pen to paper and voice my opinion about the evils in the society. I decided to share the little knowledge of Islam I had acquired with my brothers and sisters as I realized despair and agony is all because of ignorance. Only knowledge can cause awareness. If only people knew what Islam says and how it is a guide for the whole humanity, there wouldn't be so much distress in this world.

By facing and witnessing much oppression in the society I became a Writer in Islam!


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© Amatullah Abdullah 2005 -2006

Note:**All Rights Reserved. Please do not repost/reprint items from here without permission from the author.

Ihsan: A Natural Flower with Sweet Fragrance (Part Two)

Faith (religion) has such a control that it keeps the whole humanity away from bended characteristics and mean deeds. It helps us to attain distinguishing morals. When we look into the Qur’an we always find whenever Allah called his servants towards virtue or wanted them to hate evil, He stated that it is an essential prerequisite of the faith in their hearts.

O you who believe! Be afraid of Allâh, and be with those who are true (in words and deeds (9:119)

Likewise when forbidding evil, Allah says:

O you who believe! Intoxicants (all kinds of alcoholic drinks), gambling, Al­Ansâb, and Al­Azlâm (arrows for seeking luck or decision) are an abomination of Shaitân's (Satan) handiwork. So avoid (strictly all) that (abomination) in order that you may be successful.

Shaitân (Satan) wants only to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants (alcoholic drinks) and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allâh and from As-Salât (the prayer). So, will you not then abstain? (5: 90-91)

From the above verse shows us that Allah warns the people against immorality and substantiate that a Muslim must possess an excellent moral character. Today the morality of a Muslim is in an ambiguous condition. Our character has developed a number of defects due to which we have to face inevitable downfall.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “ Modesty and faith are twins. One who gives up anyone of these would lose the other as well.”
Modesty is divided in to three parts; decent speech, bashfulness and humility

A man who believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or keep quite [Bukhari]

The Prophet (pbuh) said, “By God he is not a Mu’min”, he, repeated this thrice. Then when asked about it, he said, “ He from whose misdeeds his neighbours are not safe” [Bukhari]

When someone asked the Prophet, “Which is the best thing given to man?” He replied, “Best moral character” [Trimidhi]

“On the Day of Judgement there will be nothing heavier in the balance/scale of a Mu’min than the goodness of character. Allah (swt) dislikes an obscene and a rude talker. The bearers of good moral character reaches to the level of the carrier of the prayer and fasting on account of his good character.” [Ahmad]

All the above hadith clearly states that it is required for a Muslim to have best Morals

One would have read the philosophies or ethical teachings of great Philosophers like Aristotle and others like him. They have outlined these philosophies after great difficulty. Their teachings seem to be perfect or complete only in certain aspects while in other aspects they appear incomplete but the tradition of Prophet Muhammad is complete in all aspects.

Once a Muslim learned man was asked, “ Have you read the principles of Aristotle?” for which he replied, “ No, I have read the principles of Muhammad bin Abdullah. What or whose principle or philosophy can be more perfect than the principles of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)?”

One of the purpose of the Prophet for being sent down to the world is mentioned in this hadith: -

“I have been sent only for the purpose of perfecting good morals.” [Al – Muwatta]

Prophet’s teachings show that Islam had come to illuminate the lives of the people with the light virtue and good manners. If we collect all the sayings of the Prophet about the importance of good moral character then a voluminous book can be prepared about which many of the great reformers will be ignorant of.

Some might say, “It is easy to teach others but did he follow.” Our answer to them is “Yes he practiced what he preached.”

Allah says in the Qur’an:
“Indeed in the messenger of Allah you have the best of example.” (33:21)

“The messenger of Allah was neither ill mannered nor rude. He used to say that the best people among you are those who are best in character. [Bukhari]

When we perform an act with Ihsan, it becomes a tool leads another person to Iman.
The following are some examples from the life of Sahabah who did deeds with Ihsan:

Once when Umar bin Abdul Azeez was fanned by his slave girl, he dozed off and then when he woke up he saw her sleeping. He took the fan and started fanning and when she woke up and asked him why he was fanning her, as she is just a slave and he is the leader. He said,” You are only a human like me, and the heat affects you as it affects me, so I wanted to fan you and wanted you to feel the soothing breeze as you did for me.”
Once a salaf became angry with his slave girl and decided to punish her. The slave girl said, “ Allah has praised those who suppress their anger.”
He right away said, ” I repress it.” She then said, “ Allah loves those who pardon.” He said, “ I pardoned you.” She also said, “ Allah loves those who do Ihsan.” He without delay said, “ You go now, I set you free.”

Through these acts of Ihsan they won Allah’s love and praise.

“And the emigrants and the helpers, the leaders and the pioneers and those who followed them in well doing, Allah is well pleased with them and they are well pleased with Allah. And he prepared for them garden under which rivers flow as abides there forever. That is the supreme success.” [9:100]

When we look at the Sahabah, we see that just like us they too had face excessive fitnah during their time but they were able to achieve success after the revelation of Qur’an, which is a divine mercy. They had the same Quran, same criteria, same surah that we have but our deeds are still incomplete and we are adamant not to recognize or rectify our defects. How can we win the Paradise when we have given in to these worldly pleasures?

Every religion has its characteristic symbol, which makes it distinct from every other religion. Good character is the symbol of Islam. If any nation loses its honour in the eyes of Allah, it so happens because it is losing good moral character and becoming deprived of decent and honourable traits.

“Corruption have occurred on land due to what men’s hand have earned.” [30:41]

When we possess Ihsan, it leads others to Iman, i.e. through Ihsan we invite people to Islam. The story of Julaybib (ra) is beautiful example for this. Therefore the ultimate result of Ihsan, it invited the other person to Iman.

The following verses from the Quran and hadith affirm that the deeds done with Ihsan will never go waste and will definitely be rewarded.

Aysha (ra) narrated that the Prophet (saw) said, “Allah is Ar- Rafeeq, the soft hearted. He likes Rifq, which means soft heartedness. The reward which He gives for soft heartedness does not give for hardness: -nay such a reward He gives for anything.” [Muslim]


Whenever they (the believers) suffer from thirst, weariness or hunger in the cause of Allah, whenever they tread a place, which enrages the unbelievers, a good deed is recorded in their favour. Allah does cause the work of the Muhsinoon to go waste.” [9:120]


Yes, but whoever submits his face (himself) to Allâh (i.e. follows Allâh's Religion of Islâmic Monotheism) and he is a Muhsin (good-doer i.e. performs good deeds totally for Allâh's sake only without any show off or to gain praise or fame, etc., and in accordance with the Sunnah of Allâh's Messenger Muhammad Peace be upon him) then his reward is with his Lord (Allâh), on such shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve. [2:112]

Is the recompense for Ihsan something other than Ihsan.” [55:60]

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