Al Khul : The Woman's Choice -3

Al Khul': A Mercy from Allah...Yes you can!


…Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep the limits ordained by Allâh, then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Al Khul ( divorce). The Noble Qur'an - 2:229


Part –3

Note: This is the final installment of a three part series on Kuhl

The Qur’an and Sunnah are guides to the whole of humanity; they tell us how to lead our lives. But we see that culture is blended with Islam. Due to this collaboration, Islam does not appear in its pure form. This is one of the reasons why there are so many misconceptions about Islam among Non-Muslims – because we are not living true Islam, but a blend of Islam and our own cultures.


Marriage is considered to be one of the most important and most beautiful things in Islam:


"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Qur’an 30:21).


The above verse shows that a man and woman are married to live in tranquility. Tranquility? How? Through loving each other, honouring each other, supporting each other, protecting each other’s rights, etc. Unfortunately, we see in many cases that couples are married for the sake of being married, not for a growth of peace and mutual mercy.


Some people think marriage is just a matter of providing food and living expenses for the wife. Islam clearly states that there are more important aspects of married life, such as the harmony that should be present to ensure a successful marriage.


I know a married couple where the husband is supposed to be pious and he calls upon the Qur’an and Sunnah often. But it was shocking to see him allowing his elder brother to beat his wife! His wife’s ears were so badly hurt. Prophet Muhammad never once hit his wives or children. He said the best of men were the one who is best to his wife, and that he himself was best to his wives. Why do we try to limit women’s rights, which Prophet Muhammad and the Qur’an allow, and ignore these hadith, and injunctions in the Qur’an to live with one’s wife in kindness?


On another occasion, I saw this woman weeping with her hands tied to the window frames. The husband gave the following reason,”She is insane. She says she wants to leave the place as my brother hit her …she says she needs a break.” Now who is insane?

Where is the tranquility in this marriage? Where did the love and mercy go? Why would anyone try to justify this kind of marriage?


A passage in the Qur’an says in case of extreme disobedience, the husband is allowed to hit his wife lightly without leaving a mark or hurting her. Many men misinterpret this passage in the Qur'an and believe this gives them license to humiliate and brutalize their wives.


Do they know that the Qur’an instructs women what to do, if they fear ill treatment from their husbands?


Do they know that the Prophet (pbuh) has asked the believing men to be gentle with women, and never raise a hand to them in anger.?


He asked the men to treat their women with utmost fairness and kindness and should never violate her right. Obviously, this sister’s right to a life of dignity is violated!!


In Islam, when one strikes his slave in the face, he expiates for his act by setting the slave free immediately, but what expiation is there for striking one's wife? If this man is “striving“ to follow Qur’an and Sunnah, doesn’t he know that the Prophet (saw) condemned the man who beats his wife in the day and then approaches her at night. And to beat her to the extent of inflicting serious injury is enough grounds for her to obtain divorce from the judge without having to give up her mahr?


I sometimes wonder, are these men really aware of Islam? Or are they still in the age of Jahiliyah (Ignorance)?


In the Qur’an, Allah has called each spouse a garment for the other (2: 187) .Spouses are supposed to guard each other and protect each other like how a garment protects us and even hides our scars and blemishes. A husband and wife are created for each other’s emotional and physical support.


The disappearance of harmony in marriage is enough grounds for the wife to seek a Khul (divorce). This sister has all the right to end her marriage but unfortunately Muslim women in this plight are unable to escape these kinds of torment due to various reason; children, society, family, and especially economics.


Sadly, this is the plight of most Muslimah in countries like India, Pakistan or Bangladesh. Women are leading a dead life out of fear of society’s reaction. Muslim women in other parts of the world face a different cultural battle. On the whole, Muslim women have become victims to culture, society and people.


Lastly, a believer should remember that when one is faced with any problem in life, one should look for the solution in the Qur’an and Sunnah and not try to use his or her own mind as his or her mind could have been corrupted or influenced by the society, culture and family and become biased unintentionally.


Islam is the most practical and logical religion.It is practical without doubt and understands that prohibitions on divorce will not do any good to a marriage that is already dead and beyond repair. It is not reasonable to force an ill-mated couple to remain together against their will. Forcing ill-mated couples to remain together will only complicate the issue even further. Islam is practical in every way! …But are the Muslims so?


It is time for us to stop turning a blind eye to all this and start doing something about it. After all, Allah commands us in His Qur'an to “stand out for justice, even if it is against yourselves."


"O ye who believe! stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest ye swerve, and if ye distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well- acquainted with all that ye do." (Qur'an, 4:135)


It is time for believing men and women to stand up and protect our sisters, while educating these brothers about the true Sunnah of the Prophet (saw)!!

Al Khul- Part 3

Please send your comments & suggestions to: amatullah110@yahoo.com
© Amatullah Abdullah 2005.

Al Khul : The Woman's Choice -2

Al Khul': A Mercy from Allah...Yes you can!

…Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep the limits ordained by Allâh, then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Al Khul ( divorce). Qur'an - 2:229

Part -2

Note: This is the second in a three part series on Kuhl

Some issues, which I have witnessed and faced, is that when a Muslim woman seeks a divorce, the society or the one who is handling the case of divorce tries to probe into the details of the past. When handling a case of divorce, we as Muslims should realize that probing into the details only complicates the problem… and we are in fact tempting the person who is seeking the divorce to sin. When the spouse decides to divorce, investigating the problem might lead the spouse to sling mud or slander about the other in order to get the divorce. Certainly, one is violating the path of Sunnah when they try to probe into the details of the husband’s or wife’s past and the reasons for the divorce, as the Prophet avoided delving into details of the problems and the causes for divorce. The reason that the woman does not like her husband and fears that she will not be able to treat him the way Allah ordained was enough for the Prophet, he did not dig into the reasons.


Efforts at reconciliation should be sought first before one divorces but never does the Sunnah nor the Qur’an say, the ill-mated couples should be persuaded or forced to reconcile.


Even on the last day of my Iddah (waiting period after divorce), my relatives stayed home till 3 am in the morning trying to persuade me to patch up with my ex-husband. Even after 2 yrs people are still trying to persuade me to remarry my ex-husband. When I refused I was called “unIslamic.”


If the prophet (saw) thought that wife of Thabit bin Qais (referring to the hadith mentioned in the first part) was being unIslamic or unreasonable in seeking a divorce, wouldn’t he have objected?


Some make it sound as if, the wife should seek a divorce only if the man feels the same dislike as she does. But the Prophet did not ask Thabit bin Qais, if he disliked his wife too when she said that she disliked him. The order of the Prophet to Thabit bin Qais to take back his garden and divorce his wife was an obligation. There is no evidence to contradict this hadith, which makes it clear that the woman's discontent is sufficient cause for a divorce.


Therefore, from the Hadith , we can say that the husband will be obliged to accept this offer, if the reason his wife gives is that she will not be able to treat him the way Allah ordained. It is an act of transgression if a woman is forced to live with a man whom she dislikes, because marriage is a contract that is built on mutual agreement and cannot be built on force.


This certainly proves that the wife has the right to seek divorce from her husband if she fears that she will not be able to preserve his rights on her.


In another sister’s case, one of her family friends asked her to compare her case with another sister’s case, where that sister went through hell for the first 18 years of her marriage. She lost her hearing due to severe physical abuse. After 18 years she was on the verge of taking a divorce. The couple was called in for marriage counseling and they are said to have reconciled and now they are happy, Alhamdulilah!.


I heard one of her relatives telling her:“If Allah wills your heart will change and you will lead a happy and contended life with your ex-husband. So you should put your trust on Allah and try going back to your ex-husband as he would have changed…. Your problem is nothing compared to this woman’s case. See, now after 18 years they are happy…!”


Is it reasonable to compare each other’s marital problems? Did the Prophet (saw) ever do this comparism??? The answer is obviously No!


Allah (swt) in the Qur’an states that He would not burden one’s soul more than its capacity. A problem, which seems like a mountain to one may not be a problem to another because Allah has blessed the former with strength to withstand the burden and the latter is created with lesser strength. So we can’t discard one’s problem or belittle one’s problem whatever it may be.


Worse, it sounded like they held pride in not trying to help a Muslim woman (their family member!) who suffered for 18 years!!! They kept repeating, “ Do you know, she suffered for 18 years but still held on to her marriage and after 18 years she is happy!” Who is to say that she would not have been happier if she had divorced him or gone for counseling when he first began beating her? Who is to say that some other woman would not have been able to tolerate such abuse, or to forgive the man who injured her so severely? Why should we suffer when Allah has given a solution for the problem? Why should we take pride in suffering?


Some people are refusing to understand that when a woman is not able to endure with a man, she cannot perform her duties (she will not be able to treat him the way Allah ordained) properly and thus would become sinful. Would they prefer her to be sinful?


Certainly, God given rights are taken away from Muslim Women by the culture and the society!


Another issue which I I have observed and experienced is that people usually ask a couple to hold on to their empty marriage for their child’s sake. I don’t understand how can a woman raise a healthy child when she in the midst of an unhealthy and disturbed atmosphere due to her marriage. I have witnessed that the illness in the marriage gets spilt on the children growing up in such unhealthy environment and thus child tends to get affected emotionally and mentally. Certainly an unhealthy marriage would never be a healthy upbringing for the children.


A friend of mine told me that she came out of her lifeless marriage after 10 years. Her son, who was 9 years old at the time, told her,

”Mom, I am very happy to see a smile on your face after a long-time.”

He even told her,

“I love both of you, but it breaks me to see you suffering. If being away from dad is going to give you happiness, then you should not be with him.”


All praises are to Allah! I am firm in using my God-given right and prefer to be a servant of Allah (swt) and would not fear or hesitate to use his Mercy, which He has bestowed, on us .


Now days, we see Muslims preaching that Islam is the only religion, which gives respect, honour and rights to women. But in reality, it is seen only in theory.

Contd.
© Amatullah Abdullah 2005.

Al Khul - Part Two

Al Khul : The Woman's Choice

…Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep the limits ordained by Allâh, then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Al Khul ( divorce). The Noble Qur'an - 2:229

Part –1

For a long-time I’ve wanted to write about the issue of Khul (divorce), but I kept procrastinating until I got the following letter from a friend, which provoked me to finally write.

My dear Sister,

My hands are trembling and my body is shivering. You know that my marriage is a disaster but I am unable to tell anyone about it, as I fear the society. I tried telling my family about it but they asked me to be patient. My husband is a good man but I am unable to endure with him for various reasons, which my family does not understand. They feel any woman would be able to endure with a man if his character is good and they also feel it is impossible for a woman not to love a man who provides food, shelter and luxury for her. My family is asking me to hold on to my marriage for my child’s sake. For my child’s sake, I suppressed all my feelings and tried pretending to live a normal life but it has left me with severe depression. Due to my depression I am not able to take care of my child nor am I able to concentrate on anything. Today, I was in the verge of committing a sin but by the grace of God I was saved but don’t know if I would not be tempted again. I want to take a Khul but nobody is coming forward to help me. I tried seeking help from masjid, they said they would not be able to help without my family or relatives consent.

If I continue with my marriage I fear that I would become ungrateful to Allah. This marriage is a great fitnah for me.

Is there anyway you can help me to get a Khul? I would be grateful if you could help me.

Aminah (** name changed for privacy sake)


As I read the letter, I knew why she approached me; I was once in a similar boat! I was living a dead life, stuck in a disastrous marriage, until I discovered the beauty of Islam.


Most of us are raised as a Muslim from birth, with little knowledge of Islam other than the basic five pillars and little bits of haraam and halaal rulings we have learned over the years.


We know that Islam has given women so many rights, but are we aware what they are?


A question kept ringing in my head, “If Islam gave women all the rights she needs, then why would women be leading a prisioner’s life in this world?”


It was my disastrous marriage which made me desperate to learn about the rights of women in Islam.


The moment I started reading about Islam, I saw the solution for my problems. I got the courage to demand my rights! I knew that if I didn’t act immediately, I would continue to be a slave to society and culture and I would be answerable to Allah (swt).


The following are some of the hadith that gave me the confidence and courage to speak out:


Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 63, Number 199: Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:

The wife of Thabit bin Qais bin Shammas came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I do not blame Thabit for any defects in his character or his religion, but I cannot endure to live with him and I am afraid that I (being a Muslim) may become unthankful (or behave in an unIslamic manner) for Allah's Blessings." On that, Allah's Apostle said (to her), 'Will you return his garden to him?" She said, "Yes." So she returned his garden to him and the Prophet told him to divorce her.


Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 63, Number 206: Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:

Barira's husband was a slave called Mughith, as if I am seeing him now, going behind Barira and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet said to 'Abbas, "O 'Abbas! Are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?" The Prophet then said to Barira, "Why don't you return to him?" She said, "O Allah's Apostle! Do you order me to do so?" He said, "No, I only intercede for him." She said, "I am not in need of him.”


Thus, indeed, it was my dead married life that paved the way for me to get closer to Allah (swt) and to become fully aware of the beauty in Islam! It was not easy, but I asserted my rights to end my marriage. But the society was stubborn and cold to my assertion and refused to acknowledge my God given right. I struggled for two years to get a divorce… Finally, I was freed from the marriage through a Talaq.


Divorce was certainly not a happy decision, but it has made all the difference in my life. Freed from weight of a joyless marriage, I was able to find the joy in life again, and to rediscover my love for Allah.


Though Islam condemns male chauvinism, we see chauvinism obvious among many Muslim societies. Even in the case of divorce, a male easily gives talaq to his wife if he is unable to endure with her. But it isn’t the same with the wife. In fact, she is asked to be patient all the time, instead of using her own right to end a relationship. I don’t understand how they can neglect the rights given to the Muslim Women by Allah (swt).


Unfortunately, in some societies it is culturally unacceptable that a woman should be aware of her rights, and that she might actually wish to exercise those rights! Many brand the woman with ugly names, such as adulteress, psychic, possessed by Jinn, masculine, arrogant, etc., just for intending to implement her rights ordained by Allah (swt).


When a Muslim woman seeks a Khul (divorce) , she often must endure constant mental and physical torment from her neighbors, friends, even family who do not understand that this is her God given right, and no shame should follow upon it.
These are some of the reasons why most women chose to remain silent, enduring painful and lifeless marital situations.


Also, people often used the following hadith to advocate their views on divorce, and to convince me to stay in an unpleasant marriage:

"Among all the permitted acts, divorce is the most hateful to God" (Abu Dawood).

The above hadith is persistently referred together with the line, "If you take a Khul, evil would befall you and you would be subject to misery in this world till your death."


Upon hearing this in my own situation, I asked myself, “Then how come the Prophet allowed a woman to divorce merely for disliking her husband? ” (Referring to Barira’s case) I decided to research more in detail and in my research I found that many Islamic scholars rated the above-mentioned hadith as weak, i.e., Dhahabi, Abu Hatim, Al-Albani, and others . (www.dorar.net)


Even when provided with reasonable explanations regarding these hadith, long-held misinterpretations were held onto steadfastly, leaving me in complete frustration with regard to my own dilemma.


I remember a sister telling me, “I approached the masjid for a Khul as I did not get any support from my family , they are not able to understand my problem. They feared their honour would be shattered in the society if I took Khul,. This forced me to seek guidance and help from the masjid.” She added “But the masjid Imam said he will not be able to help me without my parents’ consent.”


In actual sharia law, parental consent is neither necessary nor obligatory for a woman to obtain a divorce, so why are the imams asking for it?


If she is unable to endure with her husband and is unable to fulfill her rights as a wife, who will be answerable?! Will her parents or the society intercede for her on the Day of Judgment?!


According to the Sharia, Khul can be obtained ,if the wife returns the mahr (dowry), or any part of it that the husband agrees to (as long as it does not EXCEED the dowry), the husband is commanded to accept this in exchange for divorce.

Al Khul - Part One

(To be continued…)

Why I Chose the Pen

Wanting to write for a long time, never had the encouragement or support to express myself through the pen. But after witnessing and facing the oppression of women in the Muslim community in the name of Islam because of culture, society, and its people, I have finally gained the courage and support to guide the pen on the paper.

I see writing as a powerful tool, which allows the writer to voice out many issues. And through writing one is able to express their ideas, opinions, etc, etc. It is a tool that allows us to voice and condemn the evil in the society. Through writing we are able to reach people who we don’t meet.

InshaAllah, I hopes to bring focus to the evils and deficiencies in society, which has caused the oppression of women in the name of Islam.

Book to Look for: Many Voices One Faith

As Salaam’Alaykum

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Seeking Knowledge!...Seeking Allah!

Many times I have read and heard people talking about the emphasis on knowledge in Islam. I, being a woman of the 21st century, have always considered myself ‘educated’ and never bothered to learn what exactly Islam means by gaining knowledge. Some feel and say it is just pure religious knowledge; and some say we are acquiring worldly knowledge and as far as religious knowledge is concerned, only few are meant for it. But when I sat and pondered, I realized that both dunya (worldly) knowledge and religious knowledge are essential according to Islam. Both are interrelated. Having worldly knowledge helps one to appreciate and understand Allah’s Creation, His attributes, His Word and His Prophet. Acquiring religious knowledge helps us live better in this world, and to understand it more completely. Both depend on each other, it is really not wise to segregate knowledge into two different things. A doctor once said:


“When I was a kid, I used to run away from Islam as I was not taught the real beauty of it and I always felt it was a mere ritualistic religion . But now after becoming a student of science, I JUST love Islam. Now I am a doctor and I sometimes used to wonder: when I read the Qur’an, everything I learnt is right here in the Qur’an, and I wondered whether I wasted all these years trying to study Science…every minute detail is mentioned in the Holy Qur’an. Then I realized, if I had not studied science I would not have really understood what is mentioned in the Qur’an regarding science.”


One of my friends who had just discovered the beauty of Islam told me:


“When I started learning about Islam, I started off with learning about the Miracles mentioned in the Quran. I was in awe for all of them but to be honest, I was not able to understand or appreciate a few of the Ayah, Ihad to read a profound explanation for that Ayah.


But my friend, who is doing her Masters in Geography (one of her allied subjects was on Atmosphere), understood that Ayah immediately ( the moment she read it), and was able to appreciate and understand Allah's (swt) words.”


Thus, when we gain worldly knowledge along with spiritual knowledge, the two types of knowledge reinforce each other, and make each other clearer. Therefore, we are able to appreciate Allah's (swt) words in a better way.

Islam itself is a religion based on knowledge and will never be tolerant towards any form of ignorance. Islam is a religion which is based on questioning and reasoning. It can never overlook any form of blind imitation (taqlid) without questioning or reasoning. When one blindly imitates others in the name of religion, one is not following Islam but simply following the person or thing that is being imitated, and that apparently takes one away from the path of Allah. Apparently, ignorance can be replaced only with knowledge and only through knowledge can one reach the Truth.


Striving to attain knowledge is considered as a great act of piety in Islam. In Islam ignorance is highly condemned. We can say one is highly polluted when they are ignorant and one can purify oneself, both in this world and the hereafter, only through attaining knowledge.


• Elevated status is accorded to those who seek, possess, teach and act upon knowledge. Dismiss any thought of equality between those who know and those who do not (H.Q: 39:9)

• The Prophet (s.a.w.s) has said: "Seeking knowledge is mandatory for every Muslim (male and female)." (Sahih Bukhari)

In Islam great emphasis is given to the acquisition of knowledge in one’s life. Many verses in the Quran emphasize the importance of learning in one’s life. The first revelation of the Quran inspired the Prophet (s.a.w.s) of Islam to acquire knowledge and stressed the importance of learning. This first revelation went as follows:

1. Read! In the Name of your Lord, Who has created (all that exists),
2. Has created man from a clot (a piece of chewed-like-lump of flesh).
3. Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous
4. Who has taught (the writing) by the pen [the first person to write was Prophet
Idrees (Enoch)],
5. Has taught man that which he knew not. (Surah Al-Alaq; verses 1 to 5)


Every human being has been blessed with the power of learning and understanding. Allah (swt) has given each of us a free will (which itself is a test) and each one of us is born with the ability to distinguish right from wrong. Without knowledge we cannot get closer to Allah (swt). Allah (swt), advices the Prophet (s.a.w.s) to pray for increasing his knowledge.


• Let us pray (Surah 20, Ayah 114) 'Ya Rabbi Zidni Ilma!' ('O Lord! Increase me
in knowledge.')


We can come across many verses in the Quran and the hadith or statements made by the Sahabas, in full reference to the importance of knowledge, and not only that, it also encourages one to expand one‘s knowledge in every aspect of life.


• The Prophet (s.a.w.s) taught that three things can continue to help a person even
after death; charity which he had given, knowledge which he had taught and
prayers on his behalf by a righteous off-spring. (Sahih Muslim)

• A person who has an understanding of religion (faqih) is more formidable
against Satan than a thousand of worshippers (statement of Ibn Abbas)

• Only the learned (together with the angels) are able to testify to God’s existence
and unity (H.Q 3:18)

• "Allah, His angels, the occupant of the heaven and earth, even the ant in its hole,
and even the fish, pray for the teachers who teaches goodness." (Tirmidhi and others,

authenticated by Al-Albani)

• "Whoever takes a path for knowledge, Allah will make an easy way for him to
paradise" and “the virtue of the scholar over (the ignorant) worshipper is as the virtue of the full

moon over the stars." (Ibn Majah, and authenticated by Al- Albani)

The pursuit for knowledge is itself a form of worship. According to the Qur’an only men of knowledge really fear Allah most.

Positive fear of God (taqwa) can be attained only by those who have knowledge (H.Q 35:28). One of the indispensable conditions in relation to the spiritual state of the soul, in getting closer to Allah, is the attainment of knowledge. Indeed, it is only through knowledge that we can appreciate Allah’s (swt) qualities.

• The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "For him who adopts a path of seeking knowledge, Allah eases the way in Paradise, and Angels spread their wings for the seekers of knowledge, being pleased with his occupation, and all that is in the heavens and the Earth including the fish in the water, ask for his forgiveness. The learned are the heirs of the Prophets and the Prophets do not leave an inheritance of dirhams and dinars, but only of knowledge. He who acquires knowledge acquires a vast portion." (Abu Dawood and Tirmidhi)

There is a misconception among many people that it is impossible for just anyone to attain knowledge i.e. they say only certain people have the quality to acquire knowledge and only certain people possess Hikmah (wisdom) and that they are the only ones who should strive to acquire knowledge. We should remember that nothing is impossible when one strives to attain the right knowledge as enjoined by the Holy Qur’an and Sunnah, and we should remember that everyone can benefit even from a little knowledge, and that a little knowledge is surely better than none at all.

It is also important that we should get to know the etiquettes expected from the one who seeks this knowledge. Just attaining knowledge is not enough. One has to act upon what one learns. Many of the Sahabah have said that knowledge without practice is not true knowledge.

One of the most important issues is the priority of seeking knowledge to actions and deeds; knowledge must come before deeds because knowledge is the guide and because deeds without knowledge are definitely subject to error, innovation, and misleading.

CONCLUSION

Among the signs of the Day of Judgment are the increase of ignorance, and the disappearance of knowledge.

“Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, ‘The Hour (Last Day) will not be established until (religious) knowledge will be taken away (by the death of religious learned men), earthquakes will be very frequent, time will pass quickly, afflictions will appear, murders will increase and money will overflow amongst you.’” ( Sahih Al Bukhari ,Volume 2, Book 17, No. 146; also see Hadith No. 85, Volume 1).

“Knowledge is better than wealth - knowledge is a protection for you whereas it is you that has to protect wealth.” (As mentioned by Ali ibn Abi Talib, the fourth caliph in Islam)

He has sent them Messengers inspired with Books, and has revealed to them signs of His greatness and wonders of His power which testify to His Lordship and Divinity. Allah’s Mercy is apparent as He has taught us how to get closer to Him so that we would be successful in this world and in the hereafter, inshaAllah.

Let us pray that Allah helps us to strive to our best to increase our knowledge and to act upon that which would help us to become successful in this life and the hereafter. Ameen!

© Amatullah Abdullah 2005.

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Gheebah: A Disgusting Sin!

Gheebah: A Disgusting Sin!

A sister requested me to write an article on Gheebah. I asked myself “How can I write or talk about Gheebah when I myself am not free from it...” And then I realized that I should write about it, in order to remind and warn myself, my dear brothers, and my dear sisters in Islam of the severity of it.


Now what does Gheebah mean?

Gheebah comes from the root: Gha-Yaa-Baa, meaning that which is unseen. In Arabic, backbiting,slandering, or any misuse of the tongue is Gheebah. Gheebah is to talk about your brother or sister in such a manner that he or she would dislike it if told to their face. Gheebah is one of the major sins in Islam because it hurts others and destroys their self-esteem.


In the following you can see that the prophet (s.a.w.s) has clearly defined Gheebah (backbiting) for us, so that we can identify and keep away from this terrible sin.


Abu Huraira (r.a.) narrated that the Prophet (s.a.w.s) said, “Do you know what is backbiting?” They (the companions) said: “Allah and His Messenger know best. Thereupon he (the Prophet) said: “Backbiting implies your talking about your brother in a manner which he does not like.” It was said to him: “What if what I say about my brother is true?” He said: “If what you said about him is true then you would have backbitten him, and if it is not true, then he is slandered (buhtaan) [Reported in Saheeh Muslim: hadeeth 1183, Sahih Muslim: Book 31, Number 6265, Abu Dawud, Ahmad, Tirmidhi, others...]


and in Another Hadith Al-Muttalib ibin Abdullah said, "The Messenger of Allah said, 'Gheebah (gossip, backbiting) means that a man mentions about a person something which is true, behind his back."[Al_Suyuti, Zawa'id Al Jami from the report of al Khara'iti in Masawi Al Akhlaq. Malik reported something similar with a Mursal Isnad as mentioned in Al-Sahihah, No. 1992] .

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: I said to the Prophet (s.a.w.s): It is enough for you in Safiyyah that she is such and such (the other version than Musaddad's has:) meaning that she was short-statured. He replied; You have said a word which would change the sea if it were mixed in it... [Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 41, Number 4857]


We all indulge in Gheebah without realizing it but, we tend to realize how painful and horrible it is only when we become victim (the one who is back bitten) to it.

Before I started researching about Gheebah, I was very careless about this sin, many times to the point of not being bothered or not caring to attempt to keep away from it. But I realized the dreadful part only when someone spoke about me. I realized the feeling of the people who I spoke of must have endured.


Therefore we should remember that when we commit Gheebah we sacrifice the honor of our brothers and sisters.


I go further with the point of Gheebah being wrong by pointing out what Allah says in the Holy Quran.

“O, you who believe! Avoid much suspicion; in deeds some suspicions are sins. And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear God, verily, God is the one who accepts repentance, Most Merciful. ( Surah Al Hujurat 49: 12)


Surah Humazah in the Holy Quran, describes clearly that, one who indulges in Gheebah is in clear error and in great loss.

1. Woe to every slanderer and backbiter.
2. Who has gathered wealth and counted it,
3. He thinks that his wealth will make him last forever!
4. Nay! Verily, he will be thrown into the crushing Fire.
5. And what will make you know what the crushing Fire is?
6. The fire of Allâh, kindled,
7. Which leaps up over the hearts,
8. Verily, it shall be closed in on them,
9. In pillars stretched forth (i.e. they will be punished in the Fire with pillars, etc.).


These verses tell us about the terrible punishment, that befall on the Muslim who commits Gheebah.


An Islamic speaker once said, “Even in our thought, one should honor his brother or sister in Islam”. It is obvious that we as Muslim should be loving and compassionate with one another.
Gheebah is a disgusting sin, definitely one of the biggest, and evilest wreckers of this compassion, love and brotherhood.


What we also fail to realize is that Gheebah will wash away our good deeds and our good deeds would be snatched from us and given to one who we spoke ill off on the Day of Judgement. The prophet (saw) said: We will have survived all of the horrible trials, the judgement, the bridge, and the huge thorns which snatch us according to our deeds and throw us into Hell. (Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 76, Number 577).


We will have been through all this, only to lose all our good deeds because we could not or would not control our tongue.


One of my friends, who is a revert, once told some of the sisters about her past (i.e. the past before she accepted Islam). I saw that people were judging her and questioning her about her integrity. Because of this , the sister was in the verge of leaving Islam, then I had to explain to her that we cannot judge Islam based on people’s(Muslims) behavior … she understood and Allah saved her Alhamdulilah! .


This boneless flesh called “ tongue” is playing games and showing its stunt. It is not funny… We might be so lenient to this but in the sight of Allah it is one of the most hated thing.

The Prophet says that Allah is the Judge of Judges and that no one can judge anyone as Allah does. If one is judgmental, he is making himself into a judge with no authority from the Judge of Judges. When one says: "So-and-so is a no-good person," we should remember that we are not the judge of our Lord's servants; He created them and He judges them as He wills! We should remember, whoever ignores this point is competing with Allah and taking his attribute of Al Haakem (The Judge) and setting himself as partner against Allah. What a grave mistake!


Allah teaches us to speak out against Slander and try to put a stop to it in the following verse:
And why did you not, when you heard it, say? "It is not right of us to speak of this: Glory to God, this is a most serious slander" (Surah An Nur 24:16)


Gheebah is indeed a disgusting sin worse than Zina (fornication). It can be done so easily, any moment, any time, whereas Zina is a sin were one cannot engage as easily as Gheebah

However, we should also understand that under some circumstances a person is allowed to talk about his brother or sisters.


The following are the only circumstances where one is allowed to talk about his brother or sister in islam
1. If the person is being oppressed. In this case you are allowed to talk about the person who oppresses so that the oppressed may take what is rightfully his. He should only talk out of necessity and only to the one who can assist the oppressed person in taking his right from the oppressor.


2. Requesting a fatwa (Islamic ruling). For example, you may say "my brother did such and such (recalling the event), what do I do?" It is permitted to recall the incident and not mentioning the name of the person (this is better) so that a fatwa may be obtained.


3. When seeking marriage, setting up a business or being a witness. If a man asked another about a third person who has proposed it is permitted for the one being asked to say what he knows about the one who has proposed. When talking about him (the one seeking marriage) the one who knows him should be honest about what he says, without diminishing the persons value nor exaggerating his faults.


4. Cautioning people about bad/evil-doers. If a person propagates forbidden or evil, or something which contains shirk, it is permitted to warn people about that person until they are convinced about the misleading information.


These four circumstances under which backbiting (which sole intent is to provide TRUE information only by God fearing souls) is permitted and has certain conditions which should be fulfilled. Purity of intention to Allah (swt). He should not talk about the faults of a man (who has proposed to a woman) because of envy or dislike. It is a responsibility and a trust which Allah has ordered.


Lastly, after knowing what backbiting is, knowing its dangers and the severity of the sin we should repent to Allah for those actions before there is no chance left. We should constantly remind ourselves that when Judgment Day comes, the one who has backbitten shall have his good deeds taken away from him and given to the one whom he has harmed by backbiting. If his good deeds have been exhausted, the other persons (the one who was harmed) bad deeds will be taken and given to the one who backbit. The one who indulged in Gheebah will be dragged by the face and taken to the fire.


All of our organs-; tongue, heart, mind, etc- will be a witness against us, we should repent before the Day comes when we will regret what we have done. Perfect repentance is to regret the action we have committed against our Muslim brother, and to stay away from it in future. We should commit ourselves not to ever return to that action. If we remember those whom we have backbitten before knowing the reality of these and the severity of the punishment for the one who indulges in this sin then we should supplicate for that person( who we back bitten) in their absence.

And Allah knows the best!!!

© Amatullah Abdullah 2005.

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